A Family with a Gender Situation: A Commons Play
A family gender situation was staged as dramatic art in a Commons Play at a workshop on “Gender and Women’s Issues” on August 25, 2012. Five participants volunteered to perform the gender situation play.
Overview of the play
This
story turns around a traditional Vietnamese family consisting of three
generations – the grandmother (Mrs. Ten) who was raised in a Confusian and
patriarchal society, a young couple (Mr. and Mrs. May) and two children, - a
son named August and a daughter named September. Mrs.Ten stays at home, Mr. and
Mrs. May both work outside the home, and August and September are students.
August
chose to study architecture only to follow his grandmother's wish. However, his
true dream job is to become a professional make-up artist. Therefore, in
addition to studying architecture, he takes several make-up classes as a hobby.
When his grandmother finds out that he has been studying make-up, she is
shocked and strongly opposes his choice.
September
was admitted into a journalism program and an educational program. She prefers
to study journalism, however, her grandmother disagrees with September’s
decision because she thinks that when entering the profession of journalism,
one must go out and constantly gather news. The grandmother believes that this
is not good for women because they must often wander the streets in search of
news, and that women must choose to become teachers.
In addition, there is conflict occurring between Mrs. Ten and her daughter-in-law. At times Mrs. May comes home somewhat late from work so she asks her husband to assist her with cooking. Mrs Ten is not very happy with her son when she finds him in the kitchen helping his wife. Mrs. Ten believes it is a woman’s job and not a man’s when it comes to cooking. The man is the bread winner in the family and he is not supposed to be in the kitchen; men are considered weak if they are found working in the kitchen like a woman. This mentality has existed for many centuries and it will never change. Mrs. Ten is totally upset not only with her daughter-in-law and her son, but also with her grandchildren who do not listen to her and do not follow her wishes.
After seeing the play regarding this situation, the participants were divided
into small groups to discuss the following suggested questions posed to them:
• What were the problems in this situation?
• Do you think that this situation happens frequently in daily life?
• Why is the situation still occurring in Vietnamese daily life?
• What should be done?
• Who will come up with proposed solutions to the problem and who
will carry them out?
What were the problems in this situation?
All
of the participants responded that there were many problems in the situation.
The first problem was gender bias based on the dimensions of a career choice.
Mrs. Ten forced August and September to pursue fields of endeavor that they had
no interest in; however, tradition dictates that they must follow her authority
because young people have no right to turn down the expectations of their
grandparents or parents. The problem is that the imposition by the grandmother
goes against the wishes and preferences of the younger generation. The
traditional idea that older adults in the family have the right to force their
children or grandchildren to do things that are arranged by the older family
adults is very normal and acceptable. The older adults often think that young
people are too young, ebullient, impulsive, and inexperienced, so they often
make decisions for them. However, this mentality does not seem to fit in the
current era. The younger generation rises up and speaks out about their dreams,
their preferences, and ambitions. Although there are not many changes, or their
voices are not considered or highly valued, they at least boldly express their
own ideas and sense of equality in their career choice. This ‘rebellion’ can be
explained in that today's youth have the opportunity to obtain a higher
education, they have more freedom and opportunities to interact with a domestic
and global environment and they are, therefore, more aware of their right to
speak of and follow their own aspirations rather than follow the old ways of
adults in the family.
The
second problem in the situation was the conflict of the dual roles of
women in today's family. Gender stereotypes about division of labor and power
in the family are very significant. In the traditional family, women were expected
to do all the housework, which is called “nội tướng –the minister in the
family”, whereas men were in charge of foreign relations called “ngoại tướng –
the minister of the external”. In the traditional family, women were taught
domestic skills—cooking, sewing, and weaving, for example—so they were able to
run the house; men were trained in intellectual pursuits so that they were able
to take care of external affairs in the community and society.
Due
to the influence of Confucion ideas, husbands generally do not need to share
the housework with their wife. If any man does so, he is considered weak. The
grandmother in this situation was raised up in a Confucion and patriarchal
system and she is displeased with her daughter-in-law for asking her husband to
assist with the cooking. Her intervention was to teach her daughter-in-law to
follow principles that she learned in the past by saying “doing housework is
for women and not for men”. The conflict occurs when Mrs. Ten embraces old
traditional thinking and does not show any understanding or empathy toward the
daughter-in-law who has to do the housework as well as work outside the home.
The dual roles are on Mrs. May’s shoulders without support and encouragement
from her mother-in-law who plays an important role in making family decisions.
Participants at the workshop also questioned whether it is that “at an older
age” Vietnamese women obtain more rights and power in the family, even more
than men.
The
last issue in this situation was that the perception and awareness of gender
equality is not easy to change even though Mrs. Ten had participated in a
gender workshop in her community. What makes Mrs. Ten change her mentality and
attitudes so slowly?
Do you think that this situation happens
frequently in daily life?
Yes,
most of the participants agreed that this situation frequently occurs in
practice, especially in rural areas. However, traditional families have been on
a decline in large cities while nuclear families have developed very quickly.
The youth in urban areas have increasingly raised their voices within the
family, therefore, the powerful image of the grandmother in the play is no
longer widespread these days. In addition, there are several opinions that the
selection of children's occupations whether in rural or urban areas, have been
imposed on them. Adults in the family such as grandparents and parents
have a profound influence in these situations.
Why does the above situation still occur in daily life?
There
are many causes leading to behaviors and thoughts of family members in daily
life situations.These include a generation gap, education, ideology, social
environment, and the world view of each person. Regarding the generation gap,
the grandmother’s thoughts and behavior projects what she thinks and how she
behaves. To her, women are the ministers of the interior, so they are ordained
to do all the housework. She also expects everyone in the family to live
according to age, role, and hierarchy and not to allow the younger generation
to express their wishes or freely justify their actions. All these criteria aim
to maintain stability in the family and are identified with Asian culture.
Consequently, the grandmother is the most powerful person in the family and
believes she has the authority to make decisions and influence other people’s
lives.
What should we do?
All
participants agreed that there are many things that can be done in this
situation. On an individual level, each person needs to change their ingrained
views through reading materials on gender-equality and by attending workshops
to enhance their knowledge on gender and gender equality. At the family level,
young people need to learn to apply negotiation and persuasion while showing
respect for their elders. They should seek the advice of older people and
exchange ideas or plans with their parents about what they would like to do.
More importantly, the youth should consider all necessary and sufficient
conditions that best fit their choices prior to choosing a career. With regard
to women, the wife in particular should actively seek counselors for advice,
along with equipping herself with more knowledge on women’s issues and gender
equality. Men also need to equip themselves with knowledge and awareness about
gender and gender equality. They need to change their perception of the
division of labor in the family and be ready to support their wives. At the
same time, they need to actively help their mothers to understand what the
changes are with regard to the position and role of women in today’s
modern family. Although it may be difficult for the grandmother to change her
views and behavior, family members can help her understand the gender issues
through respect and affection. Finally, mass media plays a very significant
role to raise gender awareness in society at large. Mass media needs to remove
gender bias information as part of their interaction with their public and find
a better way to promote gender awareness to the public through skits, dramas,
movies , etc.
Who will do this?
Everyone in the family needs to make changes,
however, young people should be those targeted and be the most important group
to make changes. Broadly, the women together with the men in the family need to
educate their sons and daughters regarding women and gender issues. There
should also be active involvement by the community, local authorities, leaders,
and non-profit organizations at different levels in order to raise everyone’s
awareness of gender and gender issues.
By Doan Thi Ngoc
http://gas.hoasen.edu.vn/en/gas-page/family-gender-situation-commons-play