When Sex Isn’t Talked About at Home

The idea of coming home from school and talking to my mom about how a girl I was flirting with asked me out is a completely alien concept to me. To this day I’ve never addressed anything about my sexual health with my parents beyond telling my mom when I got my first period. Sex and relationships have always been uncomfortable topics in my family, and my parents and siblings did little to help me navigate those aspects of my life. Not having an open conversation about sex at home has influenced the way I’ve grown up, how I view myself and the relationships I have with my family.

My Formal Education

School didn’t help much, either. When I was 11, I walked into my school’s library expecting to receive the dreaded “talk.” We were supposed to sit through an uncomfortable discussion about puberty and sex, topics none of us really knew much about. In 45 minutes, sex was mentioned once, and the message was crystal clear: abstinence is the only way to remain safe and healthy. Not once did they talk about how people who identify as LGBTQ may experience sex differently. It made anything other than a heterosexual relationship seem weird or different. I was frustrated when my school failed to teach me what I needed to know about sex and relationships. It was disappointing to then go home to a family that would do little to help inform me about the things I didn’t understand.

My Family and Friends

I’d never had the stereotypical “birds and the bees” conversation with my parents, so what I did learn about sex was mostly from overhearing my sister and her friends talk about their boyfriends. Anything related to being LGBTQ was never taught or explained, which can be confusing for a middle schooler struggling to figure out her sexual orientation. The most I ever learned at home about being queer came from overhearing my brother and his friends make condescending remarks they found amusing about people who were openly LGBTQ.

Source: https://sexetc.org/info-center/post/when-sex-isnt-talked-about-at-home/