Role Conflict in the Family: a Case study through the lens of Role and Social Constructionist Theories
By Doan Thi Ngoc
This paper focuses on Ms. Kim, a migrant from
Vietnam. Two central theories-role theory and social constructionist
perspective- are employed to discuss her case. Kim’s problem in this paper
addresses mainly as a conflict in roles due to cultural differences, along with
limited language abilities in English that lead Kim to be isolated in her
family, in her community, and in the American Society. The paper ends with a
discussion of interventions at micro, mezzo, and macro levels.
Theoretical Perspectives
Role Theory
Role theory addresses how individuals are
expected to behave in certain social positions and how they expect others to
behave in turn. Roles are a set of rules or norms that function as plans to
direct behavior. Roles designate what you should do and what you should not do
in a specific situation. Often time, individuals have many roles, so the
expectations correspond to different roles that individuals perform in their
daily lives, such as professor, student, mother, or friend. For instance, most
people hold pre-conceived notions of the role expectations of a student,
including going to the class, doing assignment, writing papers, and taking
exams. These role expectations would not be expected of a doctor. Role theory
is, in fact, predictive. It implies that a position or specified status can be
predicted if we have information about the role expectations (Biddle, 1986).
What's more, role theory also argues that
when roles change, individuals, in turn, change their behaviors related to
roles. Roles influence not only behaviors heavily but also beliefs and
attitudes; individuals will change their beliefs and attitudes to correspond
with their roles (Lamb & Bougher, 2009). “Many role theorists see role
theory as one of the most compelling theories in effort to resolve human
problems and provide opportunities to integrate key points of researchers in
sociology, psychology, and anthropology” (Biddle, 1986, p. 152). It became more
prominent in sociological discourse through the theoretical works of Mead,
Moreno, and Linton. Apart from concepts such as role conflict, role taking,
role play or consensus, role theory includes the following propositions: (1)
people spend much of their lives participating as members of groups and
organizations; (2) people possess specific positions within groups; (3) each of
these positions fits in a role; (4) groups often constitute norms based on role
expectations. One receives rewards if one acts accordingly to role expectation
vice versa one may get punishments for failure performance; (5) individuals
usually carry out their roles associated with norms; and (6) group members
check each individual's performance to ensure role performance according to the
norms (Biddle, 1986; Schriver, 2004).
Social Constructionist Theory
The social constructionist theory stresses
that “people can learn through their interactions with others and give them a
sense of who they are based on how they behave or react. People also shape
their behaviors via feedback of others and develop their understanding of the
world and themselves from constant social interactions” (Dean, as cited in
Hutchison, 2008, p. 384-385; Hutchuson, 2008, p. 56-58).
The origin of the social constructionist
perspective is from the German philosopher Edmund Husserl, as well as the
philosophical pragmatism of John Dewey, and Charles Horton Cooley, W.I. Thomas,
and George Herbert Mead, the early theorists in the symbolic interaction
tradition. The recent contributors to the social constructionist perspective are
Herbert Blumer, Erving Goffman, Alfred Schutz, Harold Garfinkel, Peter Berger,
and Thomas Luckmann (Hutchison, 2008).
From the view point of social
constructionist, everything in this world is created by people. People have
shared meaning or shared understanding about the world and in this shared
meaning they create the world they see and define what appropriate behavioral
responses are. Meanings can be modified in the process of interaction.
Constructionists believe society is a meaning making process rather than a
structure. For instance, the way one behaves is based on what meaning you
believe others have concerning your behavior and having constructed this
meaning one then takes what is believed to be appropriate action (Hutchison,
2008).
Social constructionists also say the self
being shaped by constant social interaction. The self can be explained as “I am
what I think you think I am” (Cooley, as cited in Hutchison, 2008, p.57). The
concept of “looking-glass self” consists of three components: “(1) I imagine
how I appear to others; (2) I imagine their judgment of me; and (3) I develop
some feeling about myself that is a result of imagining their judgment of me”
(Hutchison, 2008, p.57).
To sum up, role theory and social
constructionist theory viewed human behavior as the outcome of reciprocal
interactions of persons associated with environment. Depending on status and
situation, human beings behave in ways that are expected by others in society.
Moreover, individual’s way of understanding is shaped by cultural, historical,
political, social, and economic conditions. Thus, “values are integrated with
different perceptions” (as cited in Hutchison, 2008, p. 384). Feedback
mechanism reverberate one’s behaviors. Through feedback, one shapes their
behaviors.
Understanding the Case through
the Lens of Theoretical Discussion
Before explaining the case through the lens
of theoretical perspectives, I would like to briefly describe Kim’s case. After
living in Vietnam nine years apart from their son, Kim and her husband were
sponsored to the U.S. and reunited. They first lived with their son’s family.
At home Kim helped her daughter-in-law (Margaret) with the household chores
though Margaret seemed not to be interested in her assistance. This made Kim
wonder why her daughter-in-law had such an attitude. Kim, however, hid her
feelings and continued helping Margaret. Suddenly, they were moved to an
apartment and wondered why they had to move. With her limited English, Kim was
afraid to join social activities in the building. Kim’s husband, Nam went to
work, earned an income, improved his basic English, and socialized with others
both at home and at work. Whereas, Kim stayed home alone without much contact
with her son’s family or neighbors even though their son kept contact via
phone, visited them on weekends, and were invited them to their house on
special occasions. All the above reasons contributed to her isolation and
withdrawal from her family members and community.
Utilizing role theory and social constructionist
theory in order to discuss the conflict in roles, language and cultural
differences between the original (Vietnamese) and host (American) cultures may
bring better understandings regarding Kim’s circumstance.
Abouguendia & Noels (2001) reported
that “the potential for cultural conflict is very high between immigrant
parents and their children, especially for those who have been raised in
different cultural contexts” (as cited in Shariff, 2009, p. 36). With regard to
Kim’s position, her role is a wife, a mother, and a grandmother in the family.
What people expect of her in Vietnamese culture is to fulfill her maternal
responsibilities. These include taking care of all family members, cooking,
doing the housework, emotional nurturance, shopping, and educating children
(Baltas & Steptoe, 2000). In American culture, on the other hand, her roles
are still associated with caring and nurturing but the expectations for the
roles in new contexts are different (Qin, as cited in Lamb & Bougher,
2009).
According to role theory, individuals
are expected to behave in a particular manner when in certain social positions
and how they expect others to respond to them in a manner defined by their
roles (Schriver, 2004). Margaret, responding out of American role expectation,
does not expect Kim to help with the chores because of differences in living
styles and her ways of thinking about Kim’s role. Margaret may not want Kim to
teach her how to cook Vietnamese food or how to make decisions in her family’s
affairs, or how to arrange her things in her own house. All these may make
Margaret frustrated when she finds things moved around and placed in new
positions, or has to ask Margret where things are put. From her American view,
Kim is an intruder and invading her personal space and privacy with her
husband.
In addition, like Chinese or Polish cultures,
Vietnamese culture focuses on the priority of family welfare. The notion of
individual as a connected and committed being who is bound to others is the
essence of Vietnamese traditional culture (Shariff, 2009). “Individuals are
expected to sacrifice their personal desires to ensure the well-being of their
families when individual and group goals conflict” (Almeida; Ibrahim, et al.,;
Segal, as cited in Shariff, 2009, p. 37). Thus, Kim and Nam prefer to live with
their son’s family because this way of living can foster connectedness and
interdependence among members in the families. Although Kim and Nam are old and
no longer support finance for the families, they still have respected position
in family and greatly influence on their children’s life (Ibrahim, et al.,
Segal, as cited in Shariff, 2009). Daughters-in-law in Vietnam are expected to
be submissive, obedient, and please parents and husband in the family. They are
not allowed to talk back to parents or husband or make any important decisions
in the family. Women in this extent, especially, daughter-in-law, are
subordinate.
Role theory also stresses roles consisting of
a set of rules or norms. People in groups form norms around role expectations.
If expectations are met there are rewards while failure in expectations may
lead to punishment (Schriver, 2004). Assuming Margaret is American, so she grew
up in a different culture. She highly values individualism; therefore, privacy
is very important. Her family had their own privacy before her parents-in-law
came to the United States. She does not expect her parents-in-law to stay long
with her family. She probably thinks they are invading her family’s privacy.
She now does not freely move around the house with comfortable clothes; she
sometimes runs cross the father-in-law in the bathroom, which makes her feel
uncomfortable with their presence. Hence, she responds to her role conflict by
showing the unwelcome attitude toward Kim, not only due to her household chore
assistance but also the intrusion of her family’s privacy. In this respect, Kim
and Margaret hold different beliefs, values, and behaviors when it comes to
their roles in the family. Consequently, their tensions arising from invisibly
cultural difference potentially block their communication.
In addition, the conflict seems to increase
silently and becomes difficult to resolve when it involves John, his wife and
his parents. John is caught in the middle between his parents and his wife and
bi-cultural differences. His wife often complain to him about their losing
freedom in their small apartment, about their spending less time together,
about her running cross the father in the bathroom, and about her displeasure
of his mother assistance. With his wife's constant discontentment and pressure
built up, John ends up moving his parents out of their apartment. Even though
they keep contact with them via phone every day, visit them every week, and
invite them come over on special occasions, John’s parents feel as if they were
guests, not their bonding parents. This treatment is considered to be extremely
hurtful for Kim and Nam.
Both Kim and Nam get confused and upset by
the way their son treated them. This is again totally different from Vietnamese
traditional culture and how they experienced and raised John. In American,
John’s father is no longer the head of household and primarily responsible for
the economic support of the families, so he does not have much influence on
John. His father’s role changes due to the different context and norms. These
differences in roles expectations, values, and ways of life make the cultural
transition process challenging for John’s parents, especially for Kim (Shariff,
2009).
Most importantly, language is the vehicle of
culture. Limited English may cause Kim to isolate with other people, be afraid
of going out alone, lost confidence in herself while limiting her understanding
of new culture. From the social constructionist view,
People can learn through their interactions with others and give
them a sense of who they are based on how they behave or react. People also
shape their behaviors via feedback of others and develop their understanding of
the world and themselves from constant social interactions (Dean, as cited in
Hutchison, 2008, p. 384-385).
Regarding Kim’s circumstance, language is a
major hindrance when it comes to understanding her daughter-in-law through
daily conversations, her neighbors as well as the society at large. As a newly
arrived immigrant with limited English, Kim has difficulty in understanding
basic information and expressing her ideas to Margaret with whom she interacts
daily. When her assistance is not welcome, she endures it rather than sharing
what is on her mind with other family members in order to work it out. She may
think that if she tells her husband or her son about Margaret’s attitude, this
may lead to conflict in the family. She may also think that she relies on her
son’s family, so she had no right to complain or voice her opinions. She may
want to speak up but because of limited English she hardly utters her thoughts
and feelings in an expected way. This makes her feel uncomfortable and try to
continue what she has been doing to please her daughter-in-law or keep the
whole family harmonious. Consequently, their daily interaction seems to be
stuck due to no feedback, no open communication, no sensitivity, or no
assistance from other people.
Aroian (1992) reports immigrants who
initially come to the U.S “must rely on other people for material goods, money,
transportation, translation, and assistance with paperwork until they learn
basic English” (p. 188). Requirements to learn huge volume of things in order
for adaptation oneself to new life circumstances in the United States are the
“must”. Kim depends on her son’s family for everything. She seems not to
have any chance to learn basic information or things about American life such
as how to do the household chores, how to speak basis English in order to interact
with other people, and how to use public transportation, how to buy essential
things at reasonable price at the shops or supermarkets, how to solve problem
when it occurs, for example. She is isolated around the home to help the chores
without guidance and bases on her own discretion and certainly her age group
differs to that of her daughter-in-law. In addition, the interaction among her
husband or her son seems to be absent as well. This is different from the time
they lived in Vietnam. She grew up in that Vietnam environment and everything
were in her control. She did not need anyone to help her with such necessary
things in her daily life. She freely moved to where she wanted and spent
everything within her means. In addition, the family members in Vietnam used to
have a lot of exchange about daily life and helped each other go through
difficult time by sharing or listening to others. However, when they came to
the United States, things started to change. Everyone is “on the go” and more
extrovert, so she is left out and hurtful feelings increasing day by day. Her
involvement in the home may even be felt as an intrusion.
Social constructionists also stress that the
self being shaped by constant social interaction. The self can be explained as
“I am what I think you think I am” (Cooley, as cited in Hutchison, 2008, p.57).
Unfortunately, Kim does not have much social relations in the United States.
She interacts within the family only, but they seem to neglect her. Her
daughter-in-law’s displeasing attitude, her limited English, her financial
dependence, and her husband and son’s lack of support and understanding could
be contributing to her isolation and the passive approach to new life. Her son
moved them to a new place that can further reinforce the idea that she had done
something to offend her daughter-in-law, so her son listens to his wife and
turns against her. Thus, Kim develops negative thoughts and interprets images
about herself as being dependent person who stays home alone all day and works
the chores without appreciation. She has nothing to share with other family
members, and no one is interested in talking to her or asking what her day is
like. While her husband comes back home from work, he constantly talks about
his job, meeting new people, having more friends, and improving his English. He
is confident not only about his socializing but also his contributing income to
the family. Her son and her husband do not seem to care about her emotions. Kim
feels more hurtful when her son move her and her husband to another apartment
without explanation the reasons. If “I am what I think you think I am” (Cooley,
as cited in Hutchison, 2008, p. 57) what must Kim think about herself given her
interaction with her son and daughter-in-law and the nature of their behavior.
Living alone all in an apartment increases
her fear and loneliness. Due to new contexts, her low self-esteem and limited
English, she avoids contacting her neighbors who want her joining community
activities. She is afraid to meet other people who are not Vietnamese speaking
because she cannot express her feelings and does not know what to talk when
meeting them. Not knowing much English is considered information deficit for
her and prevent her from obtaining needed information and socializing. Most
social constructionists believe that people are able to adapt through social
interactions. Kim’s self-perception may be slowly changed through interventions
(Hutchison, 2008).
A discussion of Interventions at
the Micro, Mezzo, and Macro Levels
According to social constructionist theory
and role theory, storytelling therapy and role playing would be helpful for
Kim’s case. The aim of these interventions is to help family members break
silence, raise their awareness regarding Kim’s isolation, and build bi-cultural
understanding among family members.
On a micro intervention, for example, the
therapy attempts to help Kim tell challenges that she has been facing in the
United State, the reasons why she hid her feelings, the perception about
herself and other members, and her expectations about the current situations.
The therapy should explore beyond her current issues; it includes Kim’s roles,
expectations, and her life history before coming to the United States (D’Angelo
et al., 2009). In addition, Kim’s family members would engage in these
therapies for sharing their own narratives. Through this approach, they are
able to see not only their own realities but also certain challenges that Kim
has been facing regarding the language and cultural differences (Vodde,
Randall, & Gallant, as cited in Hutchison, 2008). Various family meetings
must be established in order to enhance their open conversations. As a part of
intervention, role playing technique is employed to understand role
expectations of other family members. For example, Kim can play her
daughter-in-law’s role and vice versa her daughter-in-law can play her role. In
the case, they will understand each other via putting into other’s shoes.
Through narratives and role playing approaches, all family members acknowledge
Kim’s circumstance; needs and concerns are revealed as well.
On the mezzo intervention, the social
constructivist recommends forming self-help groups (i.e., parents and children;
mother and children, parent groups) to engage in sincere discussion about their
problems (Hutchison, 2008). For example, Kim and Margaret can join groups who
have the same challenges of adapting and understanding bi-cultural difference.
In this group, they share their thoughts and feelings coming from the
differences of the origin and host culture that block their communication.
Through group participation, their relationship will be closer, and their
exchange and interaction will be increased for better cohesiveness. Her
daughter-in-law also recognizes the strength Vietnamese culture and raises more
awareness of Kim’s perspective.
On a macro intervention, social isolation is
one of crucial factors that cause Kim’s withdrawal. Therefore, participating in
social networks of Polish community like resettlement agencies would help Kim
make more friends who speak the same language as hers. Taking English classes
for adult immigrants and learning house-keeping skills will increase her
socializing and develop her confidence. As a result, this involvement not only
uplifts her emotional need, empowering her self-perception and her roles in the
family and society but building strong rapport with family members, friends,
neighbors, and others as well.
Conclusion
This paper focuses mainly on role conflict
due to differences in language and culture that cause Kim’s isolation and
withdrawal from family members and others. The role theory and the social
constructionist theory are utilized to discuss her problem, along with the
interventions at micro, mezzo, and macro levels that aim to brings changes in
their daily communication among family members, reduction Kim’s depression and
improvement of her self-perception during a new life transition.
Adaptation a case from the course
of Human Behaviors: Person and Environment
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